Next month I turn 29, & that terrifies me.
It’ll probably be one of my final birthdays I’ll probably be celebrating.
I’m starting to question things:
Wonder if what I’m doing is the right path for me, the right direction.
I’ve set my goals based on where my parents were at my age. My Mom was married, with 2 kids, a house, 2 dogs and a cat. I look at my life and ask “where did I go wrong.”
Mind you this might come off as a “first world problem” yes, I have a fantastic apartment in the heart of Manhattan (which I pay entirely way too much for) with one of my friends I’ve known for more than half my life. A decent paying job that I enjoy going to and don’t dread the next morning. But I wonder if this is the right path.
I didn’t go to school, by my own choosing and wonder if that’s what’s holding me back. I don’t know if right now I could fit school into my schedule. I’ve seen people do work and school full time, and they look like zombie’s and have no time for anything in their life.
I recently became single again, and wonder if there is anyone in this shallow city for a gay male like myself. Not trying to toot my own horn, but I mean I’m a catch. I just feel as if everyone in this city is looking for hook ups and nothing more. I’m not asking to settle down, I’m not asking for you to get a Uhaul, Just someone to call my “someone.” Someone to be able to have and go home to.
I recently got news 2 of my close friends are moving far away. The 4th time this has happened to me, this year. It’s bittersweet, and I can’t hold anyone back from pursuing what they want or need. People move on, people grow up, Its sad and depressing, I just wish everyone I love and care about would just be in one city and close to me. Call it selfish or greedy if you will. But I feel as if I’m limited to the friends I have in this city of millions of people.
I just need to step back, look at my life.
Get out there more, and make more friends.
And love myself.